STARVING STUDENTS FLUMMOXED
BY FUNKY FOREIGN FOODS

HUNGRY STUDENTS, fresh from the United States and only just arriving in the rainy climes of Northern Ireland, found themselves in for a few culinary surprises at lunch on their first day of class.

The students took advantage of the well-appointed communal kitchen facilities at their local digs, the Armagh City Hostel, to prepare themselves a variety of foodstuffs they had acquired down the street at Sainsbury's supermarket. Though similarities between food on either side of the Atlantic abounded, many students ended up shocked and astounded by the food they bought.

"For me, everything was familiar," Gonzaga University student Christine Slomski explained, "But in different forms. I went with things I recognized, and with ingredients I know." She sat downstairs at the hostel, chomping happily on a green salad coated in hummus and lightly sprinkled with "Good 4 U" brand pumpkin seeds. "It turned out okay," was Slomski's verdict. "Average. But I'd definitely eat a lunch like this again."

Not so lucky was student Kyle Saadeh, who decided to treat himself to a cup of instant noodles known as "Pot Noodle Southern Fried Chicken", a local specialty. Saadeh began to worry when, upon opening the pot of soup, he found a flavor packet adorned with a large Confederate flag and the cryptic phrase "It's, like, so tangy, y'all".

Nevertheless, he added boiled water and let steep, as per the instructions. He was later seen in front of the televison, looking miserable and picking at his noodles. "It's not that good actually," he sighed. "Not tangy at all."

"There are some sort of white chunks floating around in it," a horrified Saadeh told me with a look of terror, while holding aloft some sort of goopy substance he had dredged from his instant soup. "It's sort of like curdled cheese," he gasped.

Student Nora Daly sat nearby, sipping on Sainsbury's Apple and Blackcurrant Squash. She was noncommittal at first as to the post-lunch beverage's qualities, saying "I think I should have diluted it, but it was otherwise pretty good."

However, the truth soon came out. "It leaves a weird aftertaste, now that you mention it," Daly told me, coming clean as to the nature of undiluted squash. "Would I drink it again? Probably not."